I have been doing this blog for a year and a half now and I need to write about it. Yes, there is a voice in me that says “blogging about blogging is the lowest form of communication” but I am still drawn to do it; and this blog has been, as much as anything, about doing something I feel drawn to do. Also, I have been trying to write about things that interest me (since that is all I really know) with the hope that it might interest others; and this whole thing really interests me.
I started out with a commitment to do this weekly, sending them out every Wednesday morning, and I have sent something out weekly, (even if Wednesday has started to turn into Thursday, Friday or even Saturday with increasing frequency.) In truth, that is the hard part; weeks go by fast and some weeks I don’t know if I have anything to say.Yet, as tempting as it is to ease up on that rule, (to go to biweekly, monthly, or even sporadically), I have resisted that, perhaps out of fear that I would lose something very special.
I can’t even describe what that is that could be lost, but this blog has taken on a shape that I never could have contemplated. It has help me find a part of myself that I did not know that I could trust; and it has helped deepen relationships in ways that I could not have imagined. That is something. I suppose a cynical view of our new world would suggest that relationships built on electronic exchanges are a bit illusory; maybe even shallow. But it doesn’t seem this way. This blog goes out to some of my closest friends and family members and it seems to have opened up discussions and ideas that we had not explored in our relationships. It also goes out to some people that I barely knew 18 months ago, and it has created relationships that feel very real and enduring.
I want to put things in perspective. As far as I can tell, these blogs are read by somewhere between 200 to 300 people. Not a big number, in many ways. But, yet to me it feels huge, because it is such a cross section of my life and because, once it is out there, it is out there, for anyone to see; permanently. It can be a little unnerving to put something out there forever, for everyone. It scares me and exhilarates me at the same time. My hope is that it forces a certain authenticity that I could not get if it was more limited in scope. Naturally, there are things I have said that people may not like; I may have even offended some people along the way, (although I have not received feedback on that point.) I certainly don’t want that to happen, but everything I have put out there is really me, so I don’t know that it pays to hide it.
Anyhow, I really hope that this does not seem too self indulgent, (one of the other voices in my head). I know that it has had a positive impact on me; and that it has helped deepen some relationships, so I will stay with it; as long as it is working.Thank you for sharing this journey with me.